Wednesday, December 31, 2008

At last to resolve this resolution.

Today is the last day of the year.
After tonight, no one will EVER live another day in 2008.
Sort of weird to think about.
In the small frame, or the teenage mindset, this is a big deal.
Only a year and a half left of highschool.
One more new years after this and I'll be 18.
Yet, in the bigger picture, the kind of mindset I wish I saw things through more often, this is only one day.
Not one bit different than any other of the thousands of days I'll hopefully get to live.
"Live it up, make the best of each day! Live life to the fullest! Life's short, party hard!
Honestly? Who do you think you people are?
I am not a lazy person. I am well read, and generally proactive and productive.
I will live my life as I so choose.

It would satisfy people to hear that my new years resolution is to make a difference or change the world.
And although that may have satisfied my simple 7 year old mind, my mindset has been altered.
I don't want to change the world.
And the only difference I want to make is the way people see things. I want to change views.
I want to change opinions.
Changing the world, in my opinion, is a delusion of the grandeur.
People change social behaviors, eras, geography, etc.
But to truly say someone "changed" the world, a mere impossibility.
They may have impacted it, or altered it for the time being.
But change is a strong word.
If you don't know me, you may think I'm a cynic, and if you do, you know I am.

But Hannah, you've got to have a new years resolution!

Yes, yes. To satisfy that small piece of traditional human being that lives somewhere inside me, I do have a new years resolution. Alas, here is my plan.

I am going to write more.

But Hannah, you write here almost everyday! We're tired of your crap!

Now let's not get catty here, eh? To clarify, I am going to write more in a journal. Good ol' pen and paper. I am going to fill said journal and when I do, I will start another, and so on. Then, when I have stored up several journals, I am going to take a trip. Preferably on the Amtrak, I've grown fond of the Amtrak. And I am going to ride it, and when it comes to a stop, I am going to get off, lay the journal on a bench, and get back on the train. When it comes to the next stop, I will do the same, until I run out of journals. Out of order of course. Then I will ride home. If I'm lucky, several people will read several portions of my life. But no one will ever get the whole story. To keep anonymity, I am only using first names, and never revealing where I live. These few people will be given the option to think for themselves. Fill in the blanks. Be creative. They can decide what happens next, in their hands will lie my imaginary destiny. They will be left wondering what became of someone they never knew. This is not a selfish move, not to be remembered, because how much can you remember about someone you've never met? But rather a move to change minds. Project resolution.

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