Thursday, December 23, 2010

At the end.

More and more I feel I'm losing touch with my writing. It's been a slow fade, over the last year or so, and a quite unfortunate one at that.

Writing has always been my hiding place, one where I was never pressured out of using rhetoric and metaphors and irony. Constantly I find myself being urged by others to be more "straightforward." Time and time I've been burdened by the heavy words of others stating how I "mislead." This part of my life I try to keep seperate from my writing altogether. It's an ugly component, greedy and grotesque and one that I would gladly do without. But writing, not always my own, in and of itself, is a beautiful thing. It's gritty and unforgiving and raw. In all of this, it is beautiful.

I know that I need to write more, but I feel as if I force myself to then I will resent it, the thing I've always loved most. This is why I know I can never write as a career.

Monday, September 27, 2010

A calmness in the wild.

It's strange. This whole college thing. When my mom dropped me off, she kept saying "it's just like summer camp."

I hated summer camp.

The beach is 15 minutes from my dorm. I can see a huge lake from my bedroom window. I get to walk by a stream and through the forest to get to the gym.

So much is going on around me. Baby chipmunks cross my path. Seagulls fly overhead. Raccoons sprint by my window.

And in the midst of all of it, I'm calm. I'm Happy.

Friday, August 13, 2010

There comes a time.

I've forgiven you. For whatever reason I think you may still read this. But I'm at the point where it doesn't matter either way. I never thought I would find myself here. But I'm at the point where my capacity for love has overshadowed my capacity for bitterness and hatred. So, I forgive you.

Monday, July 19, 2010

butter knives.

They say words cut like knives. The worst they ever pained me was like a sunburn.

Monday, May 3, 2010


a quiet slumber
perchance to dream
a story unfolds
'fore conscious wake

but child beware
of what may seem
for sleepers lie
and oft dreamers fake.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


One day, I thought I was in love.
Then the next day, I was never more unsure of anything in my life.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


you may have moved on,
but i've long since been moving.
criticize and castigate,
you were always disapproving.
Yeah, aim for those stars,
but I reside on the moon
The timing isn't good,
Nah, it's opportune.

Saturday, April 3, 2010


But who could try to stop the ones who never started.
The founders of our words and sciences and art and..
Find the words to rebuke the ones who'll never need you,
Hands tied, eyes closed, try and bite the hand that feeds you.

Monday, January 25, 2010


it sings it's song in a silver tone,
full of bliss, marked by desire.
it's name is love, the tiny fowl
a hypnotic song all did admire.

I used to hear, but have since been deafened
notes gone awry, fate did contort
the bird, the prey. and hate the hunter
a tune, a life, a hope cut short.

Monday, January 4, 2010

chasing waterfalls.

life is slowly but surely becoming stranger and stranger.
more exciting sure, but also resembling a Palahniuk novel.
I pass out for whatever reason at least once a week. I come to in strange places around my house that I don't remember going to at strange times throughout the day.
I'm guessing it's from the low blood pressure but I can't be too sure.
But I feel almost.. clean in a sense when it happens.
I'm having flashbacks from 2000-2001. But only in that time period. Never before or after. Like there is something that my brain wants me to remember but I just keep repressing it. I'll remember certain things that I ate, or things that someone said, even entire days but when I feel like I'm understanding why, everything stops. and it's back to reality.